Monogamy Theory – What Do Men Really Want?

Updated : Aug 28, 2019 in Articles

Monogamy Theory – What Do Men Really Want?


i want to give me a little bit more
about this whole idea of you know weathermen wanna sleep around or whether
they want a file of was a little bit of both and how about women article you defend
that i was already the same what are your thoughts on this okay so
i’ve read a couple books about it um… about what attracts s and how why we stay in
relationships and things like that and it seems like it’s not black and
white right it so it’s not all men once were rather all-women one and the
masters right although that weird more drunk for that that side uh… it seems like we’re set up to be
serial monogamous right uh… so it seems like every couple you’re just your designed
uh… eg our were hardwired to fall to be
attracted to somebody and a crazy good sex for about two-and-a-half three years and then that starts the faint wing away
so consequently it’s right around when the kids are you know getting born
incoming around us the book written by an with newt gingrich or are without her now that there’s a lot of things that go
into why were attracted to people know men are not naturally more physically
uh… up the uh… attracted to women there’s certain things and everything
that a guy’s attracted to has to do it procreation so what was amazing to me to
find out that i thought i was making decisions like i’m attracted to that
person might like that person consciously but what was really
happening most of it was unconscious right and you don’t realize that so like
for instance um… he get on the number one indicator of a
female’s orgasm and number one indicator were female had an orgasm is the
symmetry of her partner space so they could measure how symmetrical a guy’s
faces in the morse a magical a guy spaces the higher likelihood of his
partner calming and these are studies i don’t know how
they do these studies with the figure this stuff out andy also you’ve heard
the studies about women can identify amend her husband by smell so they did
the studies with a gate twenty t-shirts to women and make it so well their husband dot that’s my husband’s
t-shirt so women to be attracted to smell it has more to do so there’s all
these things at work or unconscious that we don’t even know but it basically
comes down to his worst serial monogamy as in wilmington turns out even in
nature cheat a lot and they think that cheating helps
evolution because you you gave somehow make your kid stronger uh… europe trip gene stronger uh…
that’s what i think what do you think all ok that three different take on all of this
uh… so this post us from the sky tracking casanova he talks about how you
know this report on allowed in monogamy and and he said the word serial
monogamous yeah i would actually say that that is a cultural framework and that our culture has made
us monogamous grew up against our biological choices are are are biology
dictates that we are polygamous alright ok and women and uh… we are granted polygamous all
time and uh… so i wrote this very excellent book by uh… our friend
actress right is there is that’s uh… through most of human history uh… before we some of them had
civilization uh… we moved about in small bands of hung
together since i did so that’s a direct fifteen of us sharing of everything fluid cell terra weapons um… you know whatever pray we
met movement capture and we also shirts acts so we had sex with their vote in the
group and uh… that was beneficial for those
small hunter gathers societies because you know we know which one is your kid everyone’s has sex without one so it’s is in the interest of everyone
in that group that care for the children it maximizes opportunity for every child to be ready to childbearing age he seems to be seen as
a better chance of making it dad itself is so that the president of
your order now mean mean that the way it is right now we all
and was when i was the what if there was a massive passerby and i say ninety nine percent of the war
was wiped out there’s fifteen people again reinforces monogamous rules are
that this kind of right sleep around i mean venture that you might want to have
different rules so it’s so we’re not to me is completely
societal its summer recess invented and that our natural state is good to be
polygamous you asap and then he backs that with incredible research at all so as there is that that’s the way it
used to be and then once use your populations group and then we sort of some of them to
agrarian societies where we have private property it begin important to distinguish what’s
mind what’s your read so this is my land that these are my crops now aren’t you this land of my crops in my wealth to my
offspring something to keep track of who sitting with my women right and that became you know much more
prevalent which has a built-in on that’s right so whose research is that there’s a
there’s scientific this is behind so uh… for example all the competition to uh… procreate actually happens
within the wall for for human beings of the theory is that along the west that somewhat format and the sperm from those local may
compete with in her womb and the most uh… you know the strongest best firms left
for license right so that’s the theory ok and and uh… it’s really interesting period
and i think it poorly made sense and that’s the reason why monogamy dis
hasn’t worked it hasn’t worked well any culture uh… tries to make monogamy right uh…
you know it’s ideal and first failed everywhere i mean the rate of cheating is through
the roof a mecca for men and women manny finally realize yes and he misses side
is uh… where they have the threat of death it ichi will put you to death will public executed people still cheap people still cheap
ticket they can’t get over it now jacob argues against this and and
and his theory is that that we’re somewhere and and and between
monogamy and polygamy i doubt that means into your monogamous are polygamous when
you’re in between the two uh… it does not that part of the
things that right if there’s more people and i think there’s more people secondly he had this because the thing
is jealous gusto it is the real thing it’s not manufactured is not impose upon as by by society and that because the film jealous you must have this sense about having
this woman the you’re one of the having this guide
here and and my response that i hope that that
that that daily doses also cost as a cultural osler and yeah the sword
behavior because you fear in it’s fear that you’re gonna lose out on something
you’re missing out on something like this is my met someone else is getting but if you never were told those ideas
you wouldn’t have those feelings yet and it not my paragraph or two that is this
is uh… the issue of nudity and or or are you back wearing clothes is a natural thing frankly known to argue that right but but let’s say i decide to become a anew
this right now and i walk run naked public people with
would vote freezing and i don’t feel shame and humiliation
could lation they would have a range of emotions and
even myself outfield i call my god i disadvantage young children what what was screened
out and tell them mom and dad all my guy that man over there is making and um… you know that to me is a is is a another
example of how culture imposes certain ideas and chain and
guilt and what’s right and what’s wrong on the
surface of moral more codes that are kind of given to us by by culture not by biology now i’m not saying that we should
deliver polygamous life commuters chris ryan the author what he’s saying is that that is within our nature do that’s the
way we lived most of our lives and the most of the human history however given
to the society we can head of the site where we have
private property this is my cop these are my favorite is the right hand and that’s your computer but when it comes to sex would share
that you know you know you’re white his mind i like desert lengthen they’re people who are into
that right as a as a society as they say in
alaska edu don’t lose your girlfriend who’s who’s your turn

100 Comments

  • property rights didn't exist before agriculture. At least not on a big scale. That's the point of the book. Before agriculture it simply wasn't possible to accumulate much of anything, and therefore no one was much richer or more powerful than anyone else. Therefore everything was relatively more egalitarian. Therefore, according to them, sex was probably shared around much as food, protection etc… It would benefit all. But check out wikipedia for criticisms of the theory.

  • I hate pulling out the "I'm a criminologist – I study this shit" card. But I guess I will. Trust me, crime is OFTEN economic. Economic deprivation and disadvantage are the number 1 predictor. Please note, I said "often". I am aware that not all crime fits this pattern. You'll also note that I never implied "deprivation CAUSES crime". It influences it. In addition, being rich doesn't negate economic motivation. The rich still have a desire to have more money, so I don't buy your claim.

  • Not everyone is. I can definitely tell you that I am a man, and ever since I can remember, I have always been naturally more physically attracted to other men. It's not something I could just change…

  • OWNERSHIP is what objectifies everyone and everything. indigenous cultures (PRE Colonialism and PRE Christianity) had no issues with sharing, nudity, polygamy, polygods, poly-everything. white cultures (English) brought the tyranny that carries one god, one superior race, one superior parent (father / male), patriarchy, etc is the root of all this current imbalance.

  • Next time get a biologist to speak. Ryan confuses factors with traits and just because there was a study doesn't make it science.

  • All I know is that I love my girlfriend and all…but I still wanna "fuck other bitches". That is just how I feel, have I cheated on her? Hell no, but that is just how I feel within.

  • Well, at least you're not being a dick about it. Hmm.. alright I will say this. Perhaps I am wrong, and perhaps you are correct. I agree with you about the dep. and dis. being the #1 predictor of economic crime. Your point abut the rich still having a desire for more, that is part of my point of it being innate but I guess if I think about it.. if everyone had a good economic situation, crime would be a lot less. I still believe innately people want to break rules, but maybe you are right.

  • I disagree with Steve. No male, in any society is willing to let other males have sex with his mate, and potentially undermine his genetic lineage. There are no egalitarian societies, and never have been. There's always, always, always a big man, who has more access to females, resources and social power. This is true for all primates.

  • What I've come to understand is that we can be monogamous (or at least some of us), but it's silly to expect your partner to not find others attractive. We can't help but check out people we see. Jealous girlfriends get mad when their guys do this but as long as you are honest with your partner, it should be fine. But no touching, hitting on others, etc. If an individual can't remain monogamous, he/she should not partake in that type of relationship as to avoid adultery. Simple.

  • If you look at the crime rates for various places, even where they are the highest in the world (which is in America), crime is a rare phenomena. And homicide is considered the rarest crime of all, actually. To me, this says the reason for crime isn't because its our nature but crime is the reaction to certain situations.

  • I'm polyamourous which means my partner and I openly seek sexual and emotional relationships with other people. We've been poly since the beginning of our relationship. It works for us. The amount of communication that we have with each other is huge. The amount of trust and love we share is deep. For those reading this comment who are not part of or familiar with the poly community, I respectfully ask that you do real research into the subject before you pass judgement.

  • Monogamy hasn't worked? Yes there are affairs, but world cultures have been generally monogamous for the past 200 years and the population has boomed. How exactly hasn't it worked?

  • That is so incorrect. There is a pile of good research regarding genetic reasons for monogamy. It is not nearly as simple as these guys put forth. Monogamy is not about cheating or not… This is NOT learned behaviour!!! Get a BIOLOGY degree! Speculation is one thing… but Damn TYT. Get a couple of experts on for a topic like this.

  • Check out these peer reviewed studies:
    Molecular Aspects of Monogamy: Insel, T R; Young, L; Wang, Z – Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences – Volume 807, Issue 1 (p. 302)

    Mammalian monogamy is not controlled by a single gene: Fink, Sabine; Excoffier, Laurent; Heckel, Gerald – Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, volume 03, Issue 29, (p 10956)

  • I'm not trying to say Humans are Lions. I'm comparing them to point out that it's common for other animals to have many mates. The vast majority of animals today don't just settle down with one other partner.

  • Monogamy is NOT natural.

    Just look at the lives of all the rich, powerful, influential men. Women flock to these powerful men and get desperate to be laid with them and do. Kings, athletes, tiger woods, arnold, john edwards, bill clinton, celebrities, george clooney and many others.

    When people are given the opportunity to have sex with more than one hot and sexy person they will happily take that opportunity.

  • I to have been in and out of a few polymourous relationship myself. I knew from age 18 that regular monogamous wouldn't work for me. My first experience was at 20, ended badly. Try two more times with different poly couples. Yet again they did not work out either. So currently I am 22 and I have a bf but most of the time I cheat and yes, I do tell him. He don't want me to leave him but he want me to stop this lifestyle. Sadly I try but always fail. How did you make poly work for you?

  • What seems to be more likely is that a few alpha males had exclusive access to the majority of female, however, the alpha males can only do this if the beta males are complacent. This generally doesn't happen, so their is constant struggle for dominance, or constant fighting to get more women into your tribe from others.

  • What are your thoughts on Aristotle's word from The Politics, "That which is common to most people is accorded the least care."

    Not passing judgement, just curious to here a polyamorous view of it.

  • It isn't natural, but it should be enforced as a social norm, lest we have all of the rich men taking the entire female population.

  • But Sex at Dawn is pseudo-science. Ryan wrote a book telling certain groups of people what they wanted to here, that's how you make money. Swingers and cheaters got told their behavior was acceptable, naturetards got told we are naturally sharing, and life is better in hunter gatherer situations, and feminists got to hear that humans are matriarchal and women are meant to sleep around.

  • So we should live like ignorant savages that live in the woods, don't have written language, life until they are 30, and murder have no useful knowledge about anything. Even your beloved noble savages fought over mating rights, and had wars with each other over women.

  • That's just going to end very badly for everyone. It should not be legally enforced, but culturally, and non-monogamous relationships should get no legal recognition. Besides, it is impossible for governments to recognize them anyway. You think a man being richer makes him better than me? Thanks for that Ayn Rand.

  • I really enjoyed this segment. Just to add my mommy prospective on the clothing vs. nudity. As a mom i have had to teach my child the covering him self is the natural thing to do. Really when our kids are young the only clothing the see as needed is to cover there reproductive and wast areas. I pose a question to any mom who has to struggle to get they're two year old in clothing. To tell there opion.

  • Are instincts lean towards to us being polygamous like our closest relatives the chimps. But we are different from all other animals because we have the power of choice. We dont have to go by 100 percent instinct like other animals. Monogamy is against our instincts but is way more organized method when your trying to run civilization. Just like when your hungry. Your instincts will tell you to eat the first thing you see. But we have to the power to say, no that food dosnt belong to me.

  • My argument is that both polygamy and monogamy have problems. And it appears your definition of "polygamous" is different from the most common form. Most commonly, both historically and worldwide today, polygamous groups tend to favor the model of one man and many women, and no, the women are not encouraged to sex each other up, they simply take turns with their husband.

    Now, we could discuss some hippy-dippy idea of a group of bisexuals all enjoying sex together, but that's extremely rare.

  • I'm sorry, did you just insinuate that an intellectual conversation could have the book Sex at Dawn in it and still be intellectual.

  • 1:25 Did he say unconscious, when he is suppose to say subconscious? I am surprised neither one of them caught that.

  • society changed due to the social breakdown and then you get more divorced, more fat people, more unhealthy people, and the other negative impacts and they call this as good. When idiots speak everyone listens, when smart people speak everyone is too stupid to understand.
    TYT = the blind leading the blind.

  • I am always honest and tell him what I have done. He would get upset but never mad. I know it is a weird relationship but it has last for 2 years.

  • In the beginning of our relationship, I told him about this lifestyle and how i enjoy it. He said he did not care as long he got to be with me and so I dated him. He is a bit of a jealous type but a sweet kind guy. So I decided to be monogamous for him for awhile, which lasted for about 6 month. After that, I began to see into other relationships while being with him.

  • No, never once during our relationship has he ever had sex with another woman. Even when I tell him that it is ok to do so as long you tell me and use protection, plus I'm Pan sexual. But he still stay with only me. He just keep saying that he loves me and that he only wants me. I think he say this because he has low self esteem of his body. And Me being me, I love him deeper than just his body image. So he feels that he will not find another girl like me and that one day I will leave him.

  • Yeah, it's not a natural response. We didn't become monogamous until we came up with agriculture. Before then we didn't have any concepts of ownership and used to share everything, there was no need for jealousy.

  • I disagree. I don't think the fact that divorce rate is so high proves monogamy doesn't work. It just indicates that dishonesty in any relationship doesn't work. My theory is this; monogamy is not for everyone, but society tells us that we must conform to this idealistic idea of marriage and family, so people who would rather not commit to just one person, do. As a result, they lie, not just to their partner but to themselves. Eventually, however, they cannot keep up the facade & call it quits.

  • Well I never heard of Laci Green before, but I'm willing to check what she is about. Anyways I get what you saying and that I believe you are straight. Plus it is normal to be complex since human sexuality is a very complex. For me, I'm not attracted by men or women physically most times. It has to be something deep about them that I have to feel that attraction. And yes I am into BDSM but I watch others do it more than I would part take in it. Also thank you for your advice

  • Yes I have check her video out, especially the pan sexual one. In which she was right about its detention. Maybe you should see a light version of it. But it is about one person letting go the control and sense of thought as the other is control. Something they switch places. Some you will see other give the other pain and like. Others will tell you what to do and how to move through out the hold thing. And i do join in ones awhile and one of my lover and i do it all the time.

  • Thanks for recommending that read. question tho, are you a sex-positive feminism and when did you started out into that lifestyle? For the BDSM, You don't have to do any painful stuff. You or your partner just have to take control over during the intimacy while the other relax and enjoy into the pleasure. Doing things like light bondage and blind folding and other thing that plays with sensory. That is what BDSM is really about. From time to time I do that lite BDSM too.

  • What do I really want? A woman who doesn't lie and cheat. pretty ( my standards )plays music or something and that is all.

  • It can't possibly be because we don't take marriage as serious as we used to? If we are monogamous how come some cultures, some countries, some races generally have different divorce rates? Aren't we all human? If we are ALL human but our divorce rates are all DIFFERENT. Your statement doesn't quite fit.

  • It's not mostly about dishonesty. Actually sometimes being honest is not the smartest thing in a relationship. If person A were to reveal some of its past experiences to person B (like paying for prostitution) , B may consider a breakup. Cheating is not the #1 cause of breakups.

    Leaving 1 person is much harder than leaving a group. That's why there's less breakups in polygamy. You can't just walk away from a group the same way you walk away from a person.

  • Please show us the data that supports the allusion that divorce is only due to the need to stray and nothing to do with money, kids, differences in careers, abuse, crime, etc.

    And please include sources.

  • Based on the guy's talk, I agree with Cenk. Humans are between monogamy & polygamy. I don't know why they don't understand. Some are mono-, some are poly-. Easy.

    And jealous is not learned, it's a love/lust reaction. Jealousy & competition is what caused roving marauders to invade camps, kill the men & take the women. It's why in primitive cultures, men *took* sex from women, either stalking them or just taking it when she wasn't up to it at the moment.

    Love/lust had to have existed back then.

  • ps. These dolts make it sound like it was a utopia of mutual respect back in cavemen days when the men and women were patient and had sleeping schedules posted on the refrigerator, and anyone who bucked the agreement were sat down for a sturdy talk and a warning.

  • after 3 weeks thats the best rebuttal you can muster? go get an education in human psychology and anthropology, and then i might give some credence to your arrogant misconceptions and check my sources. dont talk to me until you've gotten an education above the 8th grade.

  • I didn't spend all those 3 weeks mustering a rebuttal, that would be funny though. Ancient man had more than one culture, some were smart, some were dumb. Some were monogamous, some made love to everything in sight.

    Your rhetoric is tiring.

  • O can't speak for women, bt I think men would be much less jelouse if they felt sure that they would not lose theire sex supply. I recal as a teenager having sex with girls and women, and then listening to them in the next room having sex ith other guys and it didn't bother me. Later, I did get jelouse, when the fear of scarcity had penetrated my mind. The older I got, the more scaricity became a reality, the more jelousy and envy plaged me.

  • Men and women are just the same. Women fuck around just as much as men. They just blame their partners and refuse to admit that they actually had a choice.

  • Jesus Christ is God, this is the truth. In HIM was life, and that life was the light of all people. Get saved, ask JESUS CHRIST to save you !

  • so ? multiple partner sex = STD that's our gift? so why is there all kind of shit growing on peoples crap ? thanks looser, we are not monkeys or animals, cool yes when we where primitive but how the fuck is the relevant now like we are animals we don't need anymore fucking people in this world we are close to filling it up, what the fuck are you talking about >? survival ?

  • I hate how people are saying monogamy works for me and my boyfriend lol wtf you've been dating for 2 years, this is talking about being with the same person for 50 plus years and dying next to them, and we all know that's a rare statistic, so women have to be realistic and let men be polygamous because men are born with higher testosterone than women, and if men are born that way it doesn't have to be a fair/unfair debate because its a natural thing. 

  • The book he cites, Sex at Dawn, is a collection of misinformation. Humans were never living in ancient hippie communes, heck even the modern hippie communes did not work out because humans are heavily drawn towards mate guarding.

  • Why isnt the white dude keeping to one topic. He went from 1 thing to the ceomitry of the female orgasm. Lol. Didnt even answer the question. Well at least the right way. And also I'm on the other guys side. What book did he get that stuff from?!? Lmao.

  • women are monogemy by nature.

    women sexuality is CHOKING* sexuallity.

    for them to get excited its only from emotion whice means they need to feel love for the partner..

    men just want to F everything, like the gay community do..

    too bad men screwd sexually with women that BARELY have testosterone so they barely feel true lust UNLESS its from the emotion.

    the ONLY not logic thing is if women sexuallity is CHOKING* sexuallity whice means no emotion no sex why the hell do they dress SO PROVOCATIVE AND SEXUALLY if they anyway dont want random se, and NO im talking emotional here.

  • The divorce rate isn't go high because of monogamy. People CAN actually get divorced for other reasons you know. Like financial issues, domestic violence issues, etc. stop over generalizing everything

  • I would believe this if it wasn't for STD's. If everyone slept with everyone it would be a really really unhealthy society. Knowing my partner is only with me and she is clean is a much bigger turn on than sleeping with lots of women so I strongly disagree with these guys

  • to be honest, i don't care if monogamy isn't "natural" for men, if you made a commitment to me to be monogamous, then cheating is wrong. plus, you should be able to control your base instincts and make a decision that, regardless of what your "natural" state might be, you will be faithful to one woman because you love her or that's a cultural norm or whatever. all of this presumes, however, that both sides want monogamy. if everyone's okay with being in their "natural" state, then i don't care.

  • Jealousy is natural. It's evolutionary advantageous because it compels you to protect your children by proxy — to make sure that your man/woman stays faithful to your family and therefore stays around to help protect and feed your children.

  • One day Steve Oh will learn that Jimmy's actually right, humans are cereal monogamists. Simply because we need to stick together long enough to raise our kids to survive. That's why we get all the hormones that make up fall in love deeply with one person. Maybe there are few individuals that don't get those hormones and go rogue so to speak but most people don't just simply make the decision to settle down with one person because the society tells us to do that. We actually want to do that, we want to be with one partner for a long time, not necessarily for the rest of our lives but long enough.

  • I am totally monogamous by nature and so I find it difficult to cope with the knowledge that partners are (most probably) wanting to sleep with other women. If I had those inclinations also it would I'm sure make life easier. I've simply never had the urge to cheat (I'm 40 by the way). I did once have a strong urge to kiss someone else, but I resisted out of respect and loyalty to my partner. It's tough as a monogamist in a largely polyamourous world :((

  • As a woman, his smell is one of the first things I notice about a man. So no, that's not really subconcious …

  • I’m sick of that garbage story about ancient men gangbanging women in the tribe and everyone taking care of the child because no one knows who the kid is so they all take care of them. What a load of crock. If that happened all men would just deny the kid people still do these things. That woman is on her own.

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